from June 16

Dear all,
Hi from my first full day of work in Haiti! I woke early to the sound of animals in the courtyard and people bustling outside. After a quick breakfast (something like oatmeal, but sweet and thick and delicious, and fresh bread and amazing coffee) we left for the orphanage.

Today we were at Dr. Roberts’ orphanage in Croix des Bouquets. Dr. Antoine Roberts is a Haitian man, a dentist I believe, who is just one of the best people I’ve ever met. After the quake, he founded an orphanage which currently has over thirty kids, and a medical clinic adjacent to the orphanage. Though they are underfunded, they are better off than many such facilities, and through a strong relationship with GVN have activities for the kids and English classes for the nursing students.

Though I hadn’t planned on doing so when we departed Ecole Shalom, I ended up working with a fellow volunteer named Bonnie to teach English to the nurses. For about two and a half hours, we used a makeshift chalkboard set against a tree in the courtyard of the orphanage compound, working from the basics (ABCs) up to more complicated vocabulary relevant to their training (anatomy, medical terms). It was an incredible learning experience. I’ve never taught English before, and had a limited chance to expose myself to Creole before coming to Haiti. I do have a little French, but it’s very rusty (though coming back to me more quickly than I could have hoped). With that as a foundation, and building with their previous exposure to English, we managed to have a good class!

It was almost all women, except for the compound’s security guard and Dr. Roberts himself. Fortunately for Bonnie and I, both men spoke broken but totally intelligible English, and helped us to communicate at some sticky points. I think Bonnie and I made a good team, and I admire her ability to adapt and respond to the feedback from the women today. I feel like body language and big smiles and lots of laughter go a long way, and where that’s not enough, mutual patience and enthusiasm for learning does the trick.

Dr. Roberts is really just an amazing individual. It is so strengthening for me in my own work and my own vision that everywhere I go in life, I meet good people. Knowing and remembering those people even when you’re thousands of miles away brings such strength to you. The challenges of running an orphanage, a clinic and a medical school are undoubtedly immense, but I’ve rarely seen anyone so happy as he was. It’s a good lesson. Remember the goodness in this world, and the people that are working with all their hearts and minds to achieve it.

Anyway, the English class was a lot of fun. The women were quite good about guiding us and giving us feedback, and we tried hard to be adaptive and fit our (improvised) “lesson” to their needs, interest, and existing abilities. We did some basic anatomy with an outline drawing of a human figure – head, arms, legs, hands, feet. When they asked for more detail, we drew in fingers, toes, facial features. We fit the anatomy lesson to the English medical terminology we’d taught them earlier (before you help a patient, you wash your hands; when you have a fever, the thermometer goes in the mouth).

Then it got interesting when they asked us for a diagram and vocabulary for male and female reproductive systems. I swear, it was not modesty that made me hesitate; it was purely the knowledge of my complete artistic failure. Besides, with all the external anatomy, we could clarify by pointing to our own body parts. Luckily, everyone was patient and full of good humour. Bonnie aptly drew the penis and testicles, but I had a little trouble figuring out how you draw a vagina on a makeshift chalkboard, explain about ovaries and the cervix and uterus, and how sperm...well, I don’t need to explain it all to you, and I already had a hell of a time trying to do it once today. But it was a success! All things I’m sure they knew, but attaching the right English names to the parts and processes was challenging for sure. (Not least of all because of the troop of young males hanging out across the courtyard chortling at our awkward lesson!)

After we finished our English class, we rejoined the rest of the volunteers from GVN, who were inside a play area with all the young kids. I realized pretty rapidly on my first day that the little girls at Ecole Shalom were fascinated with hair, and promptly pulled off my bandana and tried to give me braids. Much to their disappointment, my hair is short and very straight, but some of the other GVN ladies had ample locks and curls to satisfy all the aspiring stylists. The little boys promptly pulled me into a soccer game, with two sticks in the ground for goalposts and a mostly-deflated soccer ball for play. When we go back next, we’ll bring them a new ball. If something that simple brings them joy, I only hope I have the sense and the capacity to provide it.

They were also very excited about my camera, so I taught them how to turn it on and off and take pictures. They merrily ran around the yard taking pictures of one another, coming back once in awhile so I could show them the photos. I also have about twenty photos of me smiling awkwardly, half in and half out of the frame, that the wee ones took turns snapping. The last rotation of volunteers had taught them “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”, and they learned to play “Duck Duck Goose” today, so there was lots of play and lots of singing and lots of kids that were just happy to have contact.

Personally, I found it to be incredibly emotionally challenging when we left. In the moment, with the kids, it was easy to just take things as they came. Kids are so present and immediate, and they draw you into that mentality; it was all about piecing together our French and Creole and English and playing and laughing and dancing. But as soon as we stood up to leave (we had to be back at Ecole Shalom at a certain time) many of the kids became visibly distressed. I think it was even more difficult for the volunteers who spent the whole day with the kids; I only had about an hour with them after the English class. When I was walking toward the gate, one of the little boys – who looked like he was about eight – came up and threw his arms around me and asked me if I was going to come back and play ball with him. I told him I would come back on Friday, and he asked if, when I came, I would take him away.

I don’t know what you say. It’s already been challenging in my life working with at-risk youth and dealing with that set of needs, but this is a completely different ballpark. I know that I want kids, and I also know that having children just completely conflicts with my values. I don’t believe this earth can sustain more people the way the population is growing, and furthermore, as I watch the global situation deteriorating on so many fronts, I don’t know that I want to bring a child into the world without being able to promise them a good life. But there are a lot of beautiful children in this world who need and deserve a lot of love. They don’t have to come from my womb for that to happen.

Still, this is an utterly impractical time in my life for me to think about adoption, and it’s clearly not something I can rationally think about while I’m here, completely emotional. I don’t even know why I’m writing about all this. I guess because it’s just present in my mind. It hurts me really deep to see kids suffering, and know I can only bring them a momentary distraction at best.

I anticipate that tomorrow will be even more challenging. Tomorrow, I will be visiting the Good Samaritan orphanage, which is larger and farther away. This orphanage is apparently destitute, the children packed in tiny tents, never enough food to go around. We’re bringing a ton of multivitamins and sandwiches with us tomorrow along with toys and art supplies. Because of the distance and traveling time, we’re only able to be there for a few hours. I’ve been told to expect that I will come home emotionally drained. I’m grateful that we have such a solid group here, and that we’re able to debrief and share at the end of each day – I may need it tomorrow even more than today.

After we returned from the orphanage today, we were able to relax for a little while over lunch. Then, we launched into Women’s Day! This happens each Wednesday afternoon. Today, we tried to organize an all-female soccer game...with limited success. We had about twenty girls and women show up, most of whom were pretty hesitant about playing soccer. A few of the boys ended up hanging around to help us with goalkeeping and retrieving stray balls. We did laps and stretches, then some fun drills, then had a full game. It was impossible to keep the boys away from the public soccer field, and their obvious soccer skills (and distracting cuteness) made it hard for many of the girls to focus. But we had a lot of fun!

Today was the first day I’ve had any sort of negative interaction with anyone about my ethnicity. One of the teenage girls was, as teenage girls are wont, quite socially aggressive and wanted to show off to her friends. I have become accustomed to people referring to me as blanc, and it doesn’t bother me, but she obviously intended it to be an insult and tried to push me around a little. She was a sassy little firebrand, which was fine – she was unhappy that I knew enough French to keep up with her, and eventually left off. It’s kind of odd – I know there’s no basis, here, for anyone to differentiate, but because I don’t self-identify as Caucasian it was initially really weird to be called blanc. I know it’s more of a descriptor than an insult 99% of the time, and when I stop and rationalize, of course it makes perfect sense. But hey, I’m just a different shade of brown, man...or if I’m half red and half white, maybe I’m just pink. Who knows.

The evening has just been pretty relaxing, hanging around Ecole Shalom and catching up on journals and doing some reading. Bonnie and I are already planning out our English lesson for Friday with the nurses. Tomorrow will be a good day – a hard day, probably, but a good day. I know it.

I’m off to get a good night’s sleep. Love to everyone.

Jess