Six

Guys,
Traveling alone can be super challenging. I need to start being sharper and bolder than I usually am. When I’m traveling with Ian, for example, I know that when I falter, he will pick up the slack. I know that in moments of doubt, when I’m second guessing myself, he’s there to reassure me and help me make decisions. The companionship is a comfort and a safeguard.

I sense that there’s something special about traveling alone, though. For one, you learn to rely on yourself more, to be completely independent when the situation calls for that. For another, you teach yourself to reach out and network and seek support from strangers and unfamiliar resources when you find you can’t do it all alone. It’s humbling. I am humbled by the knowledge of my own limitations, just as I am empowered by the knowledge of my own capacity. Does that make sense?

I think it does. I can do a lot on my own. I can be resourceful. I tend to be calm in moments of crisis. I slip up sometimes, and it’s been awhile since I was responsible to myself in this way. Hell, I think that, never mind sharing the responsibility with a partner, it’s also significantly easier to be in charge of others in situations like this. When you know that other people are relying on you, you approach things with a different awareness and a different attitude. When you’re alone, when you’re the only one who suffers from wrong decisions and when the rewards you find are all your own as well, sometimes it’s harder to habitually be really honest with yourself about what you lack and how you’re going to find fulfillment.

I want to learn to rely on myself more. I also want to learn to be more forgiving of myself when I make mistakes.

I’m writing this from the ferry, bound for Tsawwassen, with the sky clear as a blank page and the cacophonous solitude of being alone in a crowd punctuated often by my insistent friend, the BC Ferries rep on the PA system. I’m signing off at 7:30 PM, and will post this when I can.

Jess